Nuclear Comic Relief

I was visited by the ghosts of Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield lately. Seems they’ve been hanging around Chernobyl and Fukushima and various related places. I couldn’t get them to stop with the corny one-liners…

Did you hear the NRC commissioners wouldn't buy air tickets to come up to Boston to debate Helen Caldicott?

They were too cheap to meet 'er.

Why did the man in Fukushima get angry when his wife and children moved away to Okinawa?

He wanted a nuclear family.

They say the economy is dying up there in Fukushima, but I don’t know. I got in a taxi there and the driver took me around to all the hot spots.

Doctor: You can eat anything you want from inside the exclusion zone.

Patient: Really? I heard it was dangerous.

Doctor: No, not at all. Just be sure to bury your shit in a lead box, though.

During the nuclear emergency they told us to shelter in place. So we did. After a couple hours in the room this nice young woman started pounding on the door. Finally, I had to get up and let her out.

Japanese PM Abe loosens his necktie and squirms uncomfortably, “Geez. I can’t get no respect,” he says, “Take my wife… please.”

What’s up with this news about them using kitty litter to keep nuclear waste dry? Man, now I know why cat eyes glow in the dark.

The government in Japan decided to do something in response to Fukushima. They got a bunch of doctors a big budget and told them to go form an NGO called Physicians for Social Irresponsibility.

I heard this nuclear industry guy say they were building a nuclear waste repository, but I misheard and thought he said suppository. It makes sense, though, right? Stick it in the hole and later it just sort of melts in…

These pro-nuke guys keep talking about lessons learned and perfecting the technology. Yeah, I guess so. Fukushima was definitely the beta version. Lots of alpha and gamma too, if you know what I mean.

I tell ya, us anti-nuclear guys don’t get no respect.